Toy Story

Year Of Release: 1995

Genre: Adventure

Run Time: 77mns

Age Rating: PG (UK)

Director: John Lasseter

Review

I don't know what the first DVD that I owned was but if I had to take a guess it would probably have been something like Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase. However, for the sake of this review let us pretend that, even from a young age, I was showing signs of amounting to a well rounded individual who's opinions were actually valid, and say that the first DVD I owned was Toy Story. Now that we have successfully swept my early ineptitude aside you can read this review with the knowledge that, much like the average millennial around election time, fact and my opinion are one in the same.

Pixar prepare to open the new land

 bridge that their 

profits helped build.

Toy Story is a good film. It's story was, to my knowledge, a fairly original concept upon it's release. Which is funny when you bear in mind that the film plays heavily off of the childhood fantasy of one's toys being sentient. Pixar took a running jump off a cliff with this film, should Toy Story have failed it would have more than likely ended their aeronautical career a little over two decades ago. Luckily enough, their exceptional screenplay, fleshed out characters and overall marketable plot made enough money to cushion their fall, cure world hunger and throw them into Disney's good books in one go. This good fortune meant that their initial leap of faith was more comparable to Scrooge McDuck's than it was Tommen Baratheon's. 

I don't want to focus too heavily on what this film does well. Oily Ponces in braces and dickie bows have been smothering this film in praise since before I had learned that defecating in my underwear was a no-no in most social circles. So to finish off this review I will leave you with a small list of things that I have disliked about this film since I was an ankle biter and the reasons why my young critical mind held such opinions.

• Sid - not only is his character design similar to Megamind if he had a belt strapped around his head from birth but he strongly reminded me of a twat that once bit my nan.
• Buzz Lightyear and Woody's relationship - Yes, it is one of the most thrilling bromances that animated cinema has ever provided, with sexual tension that you couldn't crack through with a jackhammer. However I have always found the start of their blossoming  bromance rather grating. Both parties show equally annoying and over the top traits (not present in the subsequent sequels) that stick out like a sore thumb from the rest of Pixar's subtle character development.
• No one notices toys dropping through a car's sunroof - This is a petty one however the whole final sequence, no matter how pant-wettingly thrilling, has always baffled me. Not Andy nor his mum pay any kind of attention to a firework going off  less than 100 meters behind their car. Nor do they notice two dolls - larger than their heads - fall through their sunroof.

Scoring

  

Final Score: 18

Footnote (to answer the questions nobody cares about):

Q. Have you ever cried at a film?

A. Yes, The Seventh Son was a challenging viewing experience for both me and my childhood.

Q. Who is your favourite god?

A. Cardea - Goddess of thresholds and door hinges. This woman had her priorities on straight.